A common theme in Breastfeeding vs. Formula Feeding debates is the phrase "I couldn't breastfeed". I'd like to know why this is so common. Many sources estimate that less than 2% of women are unable to breastfeed, and many more estimate it is less than 1%. Yet any baby feeding debate will see many women claim they are unable to breastfeed.
I think the main reason is that being unable to breastfeed, and thinking you are unable to breastfeed are very different things. Formula companies, health care professionals and guilt-ridden mothers all perpetuate the myth that breastfeeding is difficult and often fails. How many pregnant women are challenged when they state they will breastfeed? Our culture regularly and routinely tells parents that breastfeeding is likely to fail. So, when hard times hit, women give up, thinking it is hopeless. Sometimes they seek help from GPs and 'Infant Feeding Specialists' - most of whom are woefully inexperienced and highly untrained in the art of breastfeeding support. With the right help and support, I think most women could breastfeed.
Usually, when women are asked about their inability to breastfeed, they become defensive. I think we need to separate emotions from discussion. Without discussion, we cannot learn, and we cannot move forward. If we don't challenge those who say they cannot breastfeed, we are doing a disservice to those vulnerable new mothers who may stop breastfeeding at a low moment, because they know how difficult and futile it can be sometimes.
If you think your chances of success are low, you are automatically setting yourself up for failure. If you believe you can do it, chances are you will. We are slowly learning this lesson with regards to natural birth, and it needs to be extended to breastfeeding.
Why can we not discuss this topic? Why is asking "Did you try X, Y or Z" taken as an attack? I think we need to be able to challenge Women who say they cannot breastfeed. We need to be able to challenge the myth that breastfeeding is difficult. Sure, some women cannot breastfeed, but almost all can. Breastfeeding is a communal business. We are all intertwined, and our experiences and how we talk about that affects others'. Women need to own their choices. If you found breastfeeding difficult and decided it was not worth continuing, own that choice. If you didn't want to breastfeed, own that choice. If you stopped because of poor information/advice, own that choice.
Lactivists are not monsters. We are people who care deeply about infant feeding, about correct information and about promoting breastfeeding. Why are we so often painted by those who formula feed as judgemental, aggressive and harsh? I can see nothing judgement about asking someone about thier feeding choices. There is no judgement involved in asking a woman why she feels she was unable to breastfeed. I have never seen someone tell a formula feeding Mum that they 'Should have' done something, only that they 'Could have'. There is a big different there, but emotions tend to mean the latter is taken as a judgement and as condemnation.
Formula is sometimes necessary. Breastfeeding is almost always possible. To improve breastfeeding rates we need to objectively and unemotionally question the myth of the breastfeeding failure.
